askandanswer | (no subject)

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(no subject)

If you knew you absolutely couldn't fail--that you were guaranteed success--

What would you do?

How... is it not like everyone else's?

[The question is asked softly without any pressure for her to answer if she doesn't want to talk about it.

Ethan frowns quietly. His chest kind of aches. Family is important, but.] I think... life can honestly sneak up on you in a way you're not prepared for. Before you know it, you're so far away from the people you love and grew up with.

Everyone else's can't take solid form, I'm pretty sure.

[ She spreads her hands. ]

Our lives did that, yeah. We've also been broken for a long time. I think we've grown apart and don't really know how to come back together again.

They... can't, no. I can't imagine what that must be like.

[It's said softly before he nods. His jaw locks a bit in understanding. Something twists up in his chest.]

When you become broken, it can be hard to know how you all fit together anymore, how you ever did to start with. Do you.. think the rest of your family wants to?

I'm not sure. I can't tell if they want to. Or if they'll think it's too much effort.

Maybe they would want to too. Maybe they feel the same way that you do but I know it's difficult to ask.

Scary.

I know. I guess I'll never know if I don't ask, or try.

But I'm not sure how I'd handle it if I tried and they were like, "No, we're good, thanks."

I understand. Easier to avoid than... find out the truth is something that rejects you. Rejects something that means so much to you.

Even if you're almost certain they'd want it too, it's that small percentage that is uncertain that makes it easier to... not ask. It'd take a lot of courage. I've never particularly thought of myself as very brave.

[ She sighs, nodding. ]

I guess... right now I only worry they don't feel the same way I do, that they won't want to reconcile.

It's a terrifying thought that I could ask and find out that's how they feel for sure. To know I'm being rejected.

It's easier to only worry than to find out the truth and have that... shatter you.

[It's said in quiet understanding. To find out that you aren't wanted by the people that you love isn't-- It's terrifying even if he has hope for her.]

It's okay to be scared. I think I've learned that. Wish I could give you advice on how to face that fear, but-- I hope when you do find that courage, and I'm certain you will-- I hope they know how good it'd be for all of you to be family again.

Thank you. That means a lot to me. I hope I find that strength too.

You're very welcome. [Someone believed in him in the past when he didn't and couldn't believe in himself, and it made all the difference.]

Did you ever have to find that kind of strength?

Multiple times, I think. I'm not... always successful at it, I'm afraid. Once I wasn't successful again and again, and then it was too late. [His mother died before he could make anything right with her, and he never forgets that. It stays and weighs on him.]

I'm sorry you went through that.

Me too. Mostly I'm... sorry and hate that I never had the courage to say what I needed to say. I'm sorry things broken between you and your family too.

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