(no subject)

[comeandgetyourlove]

[There's the heavy sound of boots on the ground as he moves toward the podium. His coat billows open with his long strides, revealing a blaster strapped to one hip and a Walkman to the other.

He gets up there, and there's a moment's posing pause, one hand splayed atop the podium as he looks out over the piazza, clearly about to ask the most serious and grave of questions.]

What's the best pickup line you've heard, that's worked?

[...What? It's a serious matter to him, okay?]

Comments

[meanwhileback]

This is my favorite, check this out.

[Penelope approaches POOR, POOR STARLORD and basically forces him, via personal space invasion, a step or two to the side of the podium, which she leans on with one elbow, cocking her hip out to the side. She tosses her hair over her shoulder with her free hand, and makes VERY UNSETTLINGLY DIRECT eye contact with him. It's like she's attempting to intimidate him into being attracted to her, which would be hilarious (because she's like five feet tall in flats) if she weren't actually terrifying.]

Hello. You're hot, and I'm bored. Let's go fuck.

[She relaxes and steps back, shaking out her arms like she's winding down from a workout or something. Back to normal levels of terrifying!]

Now imagine you're at a bar with some bros, half-drunk and bored shitless, desperate for a distraction from how fucking oppressively ordinary your life is, and imagine I have an astonishingly slutty dress on. Works every time.

[comeandgetyourlove]

[He backs up, actually surprised enough to let himself be moved by the sheer force of her approach. For a long moment after she's finished, he stands there, looking down at her appraisingly--look, she asked him to imagine her in the most slutty of dresses, he's gonna do it.]

...Holy shit.

[He breaks into a golf clap, grinning.]

Nice. Nice. I can see where it would--who's gonna resist being offered a good time in such a direct fashion? Cuts through all the crap. I like it.

[meanwhileback]

Why beat around the bush? We both know why we're there. Flirting is, like... actually the most pointless thing. Who cares about compatibility? I just want to get laid.

[there's a brief pause where she hops down from the podium and brushes off her clothes. Was there dust on her? Maybe. Maybe it's just psychologically brushing the stink of the personal space of a boyperson off of her. Who can say!]

Probably it only works if you, like me, are a phenomenally hot babe. If you tried it, you'd probably get your ass kicked. Not that you should let that deter you, some chicks get off on kicking a dude's ass. Might be the closest you get that night. Never know until you try!

[comeandgetyourlove]

I was just thinking, yeah--an astonishingly hot chick, like you, can get away with something like that a lot more easily than I could. Believe me.

[...He's tried. And been punched in the junk for it.]

It'd work. As long as the person in question is into women and has a pulse.