askandanswer | (no subject)

Sometimes I did, in the sense that I wanted to work and I was usually able to do what my job asked of me. I think you can find a sense of accomplishment in that no matter what the work is, as long as you haven't attached your identity and self-worth primarily to your job. But even if you don't, the world kind of does, doesn't it?

[ Past-tense, she notes. ]

It seems to, which is a funny sort of thing, considering most people change careers several times over the course of their lives. And we've all had jobs we didn't particularly care for, ones that were supposed to be temporary.

Where did you work previously?

I think it's something of an inherited attitude, and, I don't know, capitalism.

[ He hadn't meant to use past tense, but it's not worth getting flustered over. ]

Truly exciting stuff: market research. But, you know. A job. Do you like yours? If you have one?

[ As she is prone to in everyday conversations, if this... is really that everyday, Gisela thinks of her mother, who would probably talk for seventy-nine years about the failures of late capitalism and labor. Gisela knows all the talking points, but she just grins in solidarity. ]

You probably get some interesting trivia out of that, at least.

I work two jobs: I'm in my second year of being a junior doctor, and because the city is maddeningly expensive, I sometimes pull night shifts cleaning at a hotel in town. I love medicine; I chose it when I was thirteen years old. Occasionally, though, the hotel job is almost a relief.

From the commercial clients, definitely.

[ His tone of voice is sort of "ha ha oh god" about it. The implied dead-eyed drinking motion is almost audible. ]

Almost a relief?

[ It's not that he can't see how it might be, but he's never wanted a career in anything with that sort of certainty. That must change things. ]

It's not so intense. [ Her current hospital has an environment that is wicked and unhealthy, and she is perpetually caught between just saying that and not wanting to look like she can't hack it. So instead she makes a face like it's laughably ridiculous, because it is, and she does often want to laugh at it. ]

If something goes wrong at the hospital, you're on your own. There's more camaraderie at the hotel. It makes perfect sense, medicine is deeply competitive, and should be high-pressure because of our responsibilities. ...but oh, do ever I want to give a few my peers a prescription for some xanax and a nap.

[ The hotel has its problems, but she's never felt like the other cleaners don't have her back. ]

Edited 2014-10-06 04:42 (UTC)

[ His expressions resolves itself from slight confusion to understanding. He does remember now how his girlfriend had similar things to say about her fellow medical students, but he'd thought that might stop by the time people were actually doing rounds. Which was dumb of him, or rather, several-years-ago him, as he hadn't thought about it since then. ]

The competitive and high pressure combination does foster that kind of thing. I don't know why I only expected it from like, business and law and my area. Eventually it just seems crazy, doesn't it. Just fucking absurd. But then you have bills and debt and emergencies and it... gets away from you, or maybe I'm projecting at this point.

No, you're not. Not at all. [ And there is a little bit of struggle there with adapting to her own framework; sure, it's been years, but there are times when Gisela knows she could use witchcraft to get what she wants, or to make things that much easier. ]

Sometimes I do get that 'drop everything and run away' temptation, I'll admit. I never would, but the thought crosses my mind.

[ He manages to only look a little embarrassed, but not referring to his own situation with any specifics is a very simple solution to that. ]

The way it's all structured, the way we're supposed to do things — I think part of the problem is how unrelenting it is. You know this is what you want to do but it'd be a heck of a lot easier if you didn't have to be on it, every day, can't miss a beat. If there were more room overall, then people wouldn't fling everything in the air and go hide in a cave.

[ Whoops, maybe a little on the nose. Oh, well; he doesn't seem to mind too much. ]

You have a point there. I do like a bit of a routine, but part of it is that need to say in the rat race at all times, no matter what profession you're in. The joys of being a millennial...or maybe it was this intense when our parents were young, too, I don't know.

[ But she is skeptical of that. ]

It's a complicated relationship.

Is it something you'd ever leave?

Definitely not.

Sounds like a familiar kind of complicated.

What sort of work is it?

Do indulge me. [ Said soft with a small smile ]

I'm an artist and because there's no money it that, I run an occult shop.

It's sort of like middle-of-the-race fatigue. I've committed to what I want to do, but in the midst of getting there, I get — tired, I suppose. But I'm also very lucky, and I wouldn't want to do anything else.

Really? [ More quietly surprised by the latter than the former, although...if she didn't quite deliberately have her blinders on when it comes to that sort of thing, maybe she wouldn't be. ] What kind of artist?

I think that's natural in every path someone takes. You seem like a smart girl. The medical world needs people like you who actually care about their craft over the money.

[ Possibly a good thing. Those who are more in tune with that sense might get a some fairly conflicting information from him. His tone says caring and nurturing, his aura says big black cloud. ] I'm a painter, dapple in poetry now and then.

It does need people who are invested in patient care. I don't mind the length of time it takes, exactly, but it's daunting, sometimes, to think of six or seven more years' studying before I can even be fully qualified. [ Seven years seems like a longer time to her mostly because of her age, but she's also conditioned to feel like things in her life are eminently breakable; who knows what will happen in the next near-decade? ]

I always wonder how artists — and poets, for that matter — keep their inspiration going. Especially when you've got a shop to run. Is it difficult?

I hear a lot of people think that they will start living their real life after they retire and have that money there for them. It's an entirely wrong way to approach life. You have to love your work because your work is your life. You don't have to love everything about it, but you know...

It's not at all. I run everything from home [ There is a small shrug ] Stop by some time if you'd like. Art is fluid. The muse comes when it comes. There is an art and craft to everything, though. You are inspired to your work and I am inspired to mine.

I've never really been immersed in the type of world that leads to that way of thinking. Most of the people I grew up around don't even entertain the idea of getting to retirement. I suppose it's kind of a luxury to have those dreams, even if they're not the best plan. [ This is a byproduct of being raised by a woman who thinks visiting pariah states is an educational experience. And it is, in fact, educational, but it's also given Gisela that particular wryness in her voice. ]

I'd love to see it.

Perhaps it's a luxury, but I don't personally subscribe to the idea that life should be luxurious and easy. [ He pulls his jacket around him a little. ]

Then please stop by some time. Have I given you my address?

Hell no. But it gives me money, so I have to pretend like I at least care about showing up on time.

My off-the-books work doesn't count as a job, per se. More like a hobby I make fat stacks doing.

Are you a drug dealer.

[ Look at her definitely very serious face. ]

I can say in all honesty that I am not a drug dealer. Some of the components I use in my... hobby probably qualify as illegal drugs in some parts of the world, but no, that is not what I do.

...Like, I say I make fat stacks, but it all goes right back into the work, so it's not like my quality of life is improving at all. My shitty retail job still pays my rent.

Burning Man aficionado?

[ She's going to keep making obnoxious guesses until Penelope just tells her. ]

I'm a fashion designer. Silk charmeuse is a hell of a drug.

["fashion hobbyist" is probably more appropriate.]

I know plenty of people who would agree. Did you go to school for it?