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[jink]

Morning, ladies, gentlemen, those who aren't.

[In slacks and a plain shirt, Samantha is Ms. Wilson today, having foregone the goggles and wings that characterize her alter-ego, the Falcon, which is a name nobody besides herself (and occasionally Rogers, to humor her) (Romanoff also, for a different take on humor) actually makes use of. She props her elbows on the podium and flashes a smile.]

This question's partly professional. I work at the VA counseling center, so booze and weird spycraft is off-limits.

What makes self-disclosure easier for you? Of personal problems, especially?

Comments

[dates]

Booze doesn't work on me, anyway.

[ is said a little ruefully. and she's not avoiding the question so much as-- yeah okay, maybe she is a little bit. ]

[jink]

Yeah, I've had the hangovers to prove it. [A smile twists Sam's mouth. It's true of course. It's also off-topic. She can tell Steph's dodging, but that's the nice thing about being out. No one can make you answer questions as such.

She doesn't want to pressure.] Any other thoughts?

[dates]

I told you not to match me drink for drink. [ the first time, anyway. after that she'd kind of figured out that a drunk sam was pretty fun to be around. steph's not had much reason to laugh for a while, she appreciates sam's humour. ]

By self-disclosure, do you mean admitting things to myself?

[jink]

I meant admitting things to others, [Sam answers, as easy about that clarification as she is about changing topics.]

But the other thing is tough too. And important. You have tips for that?

[dates]

Not sure I'm the right person to ask about either of them. [ she's yet to admit to herself or anyone else that she has ptsd- but she's getting better, anyway. it's fine. ]

most useful comment

[prizvannyj]

[ he's not answering. it's not that he doesn't want to, because she's helped him a lot and it seems only fair to help back, right? but he doesn't know how to, and so he keeps quiet, expression blank. ]

[jink]

[Don't think that Sam doesn't notice. She has her eye on the man with the permanent glower now, and the fact he's taken off some eye-makeup and cut off eighty percent of his hair doesn't throw her off. She glances over him briefly. Continues talking.]

Part of military culture is the attitude that we should just walk it off, [she says.] So a good part of maintaining silence, of refuse to disclose, has to do with staying strong.

[prizvannyj]

[ there aren't a great many people that james knows. he knows steve in a way that goes deeper than his knowledge of his own self, and sam is part of steve's life.

doesn't mean sam necessarily wants to have him here. he figures that's what her emphasis means. he doesn't get up, though. ]

[jink]

Growing like twenty pounds of hair out of your head and heavy eye-makeup aren't enough self-expression for most people, [Sam goes on, brightly.] Unfortunately.

[prod



prod prod]

[prizvannyj]

[ there's a narrowing of his eyes, head tilting to one side. there are a lot of things he doesn't understand, and his sense of self is still fragile enough that he doesn't feel insulted, but that doesn't mean he can't tell when someone is trying to insult him.

he doesn't understand sam wilson. she isn't actively hostile towards him. ( is she? does hostility include verbal attacks as well as physical action? ) ]

[punchbeams]

Accepting it as a necessary first step to getting my life together. But how to get to that point is as big a problem, I'm sure you'd know better than me.

[jink]

Actually, you're probably gonna find that you're a bigger expert in your life than I am, [Sam replies, nodding at the man with the weird indoors glasses.] And a lot of counseling is based on that fact. But we do try to play an active role.

What do you mean by 'accepting it?' And sorry, [she snaps her fingers.] What's your name?

[punchbeams]

For people to accept the necessity of self-disclosure, in general, you would know better than me how that can be a problem.

[ Great, a pedant. He doesn't seem to mean it in any other way than clarification, though; he's not an expressive guy and the truly amazing early 2000s shades don't help. ]

I'm Scott. A civilian problem-haver who's heard enough times that acknowledging you have a problem is the first step to fixing it.

[jink]

I misunderstood. Got it. [Easy enough for Sam to admit she's wrong.

Her smile isn't about that. There's nothing mocking about it though. Her best friends have attitude problems and problems keeping abreast of social trends.] What was special about the person you ended up acknowledge your problem to?

[punchbeams]

[ His voice could not be dryer. ]

It was like he could read my mind.

[ Then in a more normal tone of voice: ] Not a practical suggestion, sure. But the perceived ability and willingness to understand must count for something with the troubled.

[ How smoothly and how deliberately he's separated himself from "the troubled." And, since she asked him... ]

What's your name?

[jink]

[Sam's mouth is a wry twist, but legitimately thoughtful. She acknowledges Scott's practical suggestions with a nod. Despite her range of recent experiences, she's never met anybody who could literally read minds, so.

Option number two makes sense.] Samantha Wilson. You can call me Sam. Civilian or no, I appreciate the input. A lot of our problem-having boys and women like to ignore that advice too.

[hydraated]

[Ward? Ward just laughs. That's it, that's all you get is a smug sarcastic douchebag laugh]

[jink]

[Sam's eyes sharpen, but she doesn't let the smile off her face. If anything, that sharpens too.]

Something funny, chuckles?

[hydraated]

[All of this is funny Sam. The thought that you'd think people would disclose anything truthful. At least in Ward's mind.]

No. Not in the long run.

[Just sad on your part]

[jink]

It's a li-ittle bit tempting to make psychoanalytical observations about the size of your junk and proportionate attitude right now, [Sam says, dryly.] But the reality probably has something to do with a bad home life. And there's ethics.

But don't tell me there's nobody you want to talk to.

[hydraated]

[The only person who really mattered is dead so] Skye.

[jink]

[A beat's pause. He caught her by surprise, that he'd actually answer. Even if she doesn't, will probably never have access to personnel files the likes of those.]

What do you want to say to her, if not the truth about yourself?

[hydraated]

[That is a loaded question. A really really loaded question, so he'll just settle back to glare for a good ten, fifteen minutes. Then.]

...It's relative.

[mordantwit]

Veteran Affairs? [Charles is immediately intrigued, and quietly appreciative.] In my experience, the first thing a solider must accept is that there's no shame in needing help. [Aid on the battlefield is one thing; camaraderie is welcomed, necessary. You watch each others' back, you tend to each others' wounds.

Emotional damage, that's another thing entirely. It's gotten better, in the decades since he fought, but not by enough. Not nearly.]

[jink]

That's right, [Sam confirms.] Veteran's Affairs. Are you speaking of your own experience, sir?

[A beat.

She isn't sure exactly why she sirred him. Does being old and British and ex-mil automatically make you a former officer? As stereotypes go, it could probably be worse.]

[captainredwhiteblue]

Feeling safe enough to disclose.

...When I figure out what that is, I'll let you know.

[jink]

Sure, [Sam says. Her grin fades into a smile. o steeb.]

For some veterans, that can mean disclosure to friends and family, instead of counselors. I got nothing but respect for that.

[captainredwhiteblue]

[He nods at that suggestion, thoughtful.]

I'll keep that in mind. Maybe that'll work.

[jink]

Tell all your friends, [she adds, benignly. Not making fun, not exactly.] Especially the ones who used to be genetically and psychologically reprogrammed mass-murderers.

[meanwhileback]

Anonymity. The internet helps a lot with that, thank sweet baby jesus. But um.

[the briefest of utterly dignified pauses, in which Penelope, conscientious as always, smokes.]

I mean, is the whole "disclosure of personal problems" thing always entirely necessary? Whatever happened to good old repression and denial?

[jink]

[Sam daubs a brief finger-point at Penelope, her face lighting up.] That's definitely a growing trend. Internet therapy.

As for the other thing, [she props her elbows on the podium again.] Repression and denial have their place. From being born to losing baby teeth, even a life without military's full of messy crap and random chaos. Sometimes forgetting's normal. Other times, it's not possible.

[girlwithout]

[You look... suspiciously familiar. Rikki eyes Sam for a moment before answering.]

Talking to someone I trust, I guess.

rorr sorry i was RLed

[jink]

[Sam gets that

...rarely, actually. Especially given she's lived a good chunk of her life in the military setting. Black women don't make it out there too often. She looks at the young woman curiously.]

Someone you've known a long time?

psht, no problem.

[girlwithout]

Probably. Or someone who's really good at being trustworthy.

[jink]

You mean friends? [the woman asks, smiling. She's good about restraining herself from staring, but maybe there's something about the way Rikki talks.] Does it help if they're closer to your age?

[girlwithout]

Yeah, like friends.

[And she shrugs. Rikki likes having friends her age, but she gets along really well with a lot of adults, too.] Doesn't have to be. I guess it'd depend on what I was talking about.

[beenherebefore]

[Sorry, you're getting all the teens today.

Alex can't be more than seventeen - fifteen, actually, but he looks older - but the way he shifts uncomfortably and eyes the exits probably wouldn't be out of place in one of Sam's VA meetings.

What he says is too low to be easily heard, but it sounds suspiciously like no Official Secrets Act, probably.]

[jink]

What?

[Anybody who thinks psychologying is all about double-entendres and mixed meanings and super subtle manipulations is incorrect. Sam cranes her head at the young man, snaps her fingers and points at him.]

Pretty boy on the right. Yeah, you. What was that?

[beenherebefore]

[Well, that's... direct. Alex can't help a snort at pretty boy, but the tone he uses is deadpan and bland.]

I said that no Official Secrets Act would help a lot. [And then, because she's so obviously military or ex-military, he can't help but add:] Ma'am.

[jink]

[The ma'am would appear to be correct usage. Sam doesn't bat an eye at that, but her eyebrows had crinkled a couple words earlier.]

Can you tell me more about that?

[beenherebefore]

Just that self-disclosure about certain things would be much easier if it wasn't treason.

[Sorry, Sam, Alex is kind of a snotty teenager sometimes. He has reason to be.]