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How do I make my kid sleep through the night.

In a healthy fashion, because I'm at a point where I'm pretty sure I will start hallucinating soon.

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Folk remedies suggest bourbon.

...But as you specified 'healthy' may I recommend you pour yourself a small amount, rather than administer it to the child.

Yes, that is why I specified healthy beforehand.

Have you tried car rides? I don't recommend the bourbon in that case.

Hey, maybe. I don't have a car, but public transport might do.

But would public transport be safe for you and your child at that hour of the night?

Perhaps reading a story. Or having someone else read a story so you can have a nap, if that would be helpful.

Yeah, we've... done the many, many stories. Many. Also music, several hours of rocking, singing, and most of the other typical guesses. But there's just me to do it, so.

Do the stories eventually work?

Warm milk? Always puts me straight to sleep. Though if its consistency of sleep you're looking for that is difficulter.

More difficult.

Maybe. She's at the age where you can introduce dairy, I guess. [ parent of the year is just fuckin winging it over here it's great ]

Yeah, I've given up on the full eight hours for the next few years. Just, you know, some sleep, somewhere in there.

The eternal plague of a parent... or so I hear. [ he was a great parent too. well he kidnapped his granddaughter once same thing. ]

Could always take a kip in a time machine.

Yeah? [ she laughs, briefly, totally not getting it— ] I wish.

Could take a kip in my time machine.

[ no that doesn't sound like anything at all. ] With humans around, it's what it's sometimes used for.

Whoa, seriously? [ actually he does look exactly like someone she would believe has a time machine, but she still has some bewilderment, here. there are so many questions. ] So, what, does time not pass on the outside of it?

Edited 2014-09-22 03:29 (UTC)

Oh, it can. If you'd like. Or it can't. If you'd like. Old girl isn't picky. Going back and forth in time is pretty standard as far as that goes.

I find "time machine" to be a bizarre term occasionally. Oh, what does it do? It machines with time. Which means what exactly?

I HAVE THE PERFECT BOOK FOR THIS.

( megan's whipping out her phone. endure this, threnody. )

Oh, shit, I'm already scaring the PTA moms as is!

Well, what we did is get fifty billion answers from everyone and their postman, and went through like a dozen of the least shitty sounding ones, at which point she grew out of whatever batshit sleep cycle babies go through and started a new, differently batshit one. So. I don't know, how old's the kid?

[ ah, the sound of experience ]

She's almost one and a half. Sixteen months, specifically. [ old enough for a personality, young enough to not be coherently talkative, though she does say a few words. often loudly, at 3 AM. ] And teething, so that's, you know, fun for her and me too.

Edited 2014-09-22 02:42 (UTC)

Yeah, that's a really great time. On the upside, I'd guess she'll be sleeping different again within a month. Not necessarily better different, but you can hope.

Faaantastic. At least there will be variety as she gets older, which— how old's yours?

It could be the hallucinations grant you access to the parental collective unconscious. That's definitely what I used to hallucinate about.

She's nine now.

That would be the one place telepaths would not dare to go.

Yeah, maybe it'd be a good anti-telepathy measure too. Just start thinking about controversial childcare stuff until they go away.

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