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[he staggers in, one hand clamped to an eye.]

Ow, fu...uck?

[that was his attempt at making it a question, which doesn't seem to fly with the weird masked things. not that they indicated that, in any way, he just had a feeling.]

Okay, uh, say you been only eating the same thing for - [his eyes glaze over as he tries to do math in his head and fails] - years. What's the first thing you'd eat once you got the chance?

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[ Welcome to some solemn scrutiny (and possibly, implied judgment) from a teenage girl. ]

Pastries.

[judge away, he's used to it.]

Like donuts or...?

[ Other vampires probably do it a lot. ]

Baklava. Spanakopita. Burek. Mille-feuille.

[ And now she'll also judge your pastry knowledge. ]

[oh, they do!]

I recognized one of those things.

All the more reason to start exploring the world of pastry now. If that wasn't a hypothetical question.

It was, but you probably figured that out already. Remember what they taste like?

[ Ah, well, now judgment turns to pity. ]

I don't usually have to remember.

[ She sounds faintly apologetic about it. ]

Sorry. I just... don't, anymore. Remember, that is. Taste-wise, at least.

I thought it was an unusually masochistic question. Maybe it is not so bad, then. If you can't remember.

Sometimes. But you wonder, you know? I used to spend a lot of time doing that.

And now... only when you've been punched in the eye?

I walked into a door, actually.

[that, sadly, is the god's honest truth. He lifts his hand to reveal a rapidly closing cut, any hint of blood long gone from it.]

[ That is. Amazing, in a way. Eleanor sort of smiles. Which is not the right reaction to any of that, but sometimes it's nice to know that you may not be alone in failpiring. ]

[they could have a contest about it, but Harvestman's fairly confident he'd win.]

I am the worst vampire, I know.

[ Eleanor is older but has done a lot less living. Dang eternal teenagerhood.

Anyway, she only approached him at all because of the eye thing. She's never seen any of the dude vampires who kept chasing her and Clara around do anything that undignified. They all wear like. Suits. All the time. ]

I don't think that's such a bad thing.

[If Harvestman ever put on a suit it would probably catch on fire due to the indignity of it]

Well, I ain't dead-dead yet, so that's something. Right?

Yes.

[ Solemn again, like the beginning, but clear-eyed and somehow more open. Harvestman is Okay. ]

It counts for a lot.

[Good! He prefers that over vampires who would rather bash his head in, which she would probably not be surprised to hear there were a lot of those.]

You always so serious?

It is what comes naturally to me. [ She makes a little grimace with just her mouth. ] Especially without my friend.

But there are pastries.

[ Sorry not sorry that her kind of vampires can eat lol. ]

[he greatly admires her ability to control her facial expressions]

Which you can eat.

I think the real question is what wouldn't I eat? [Then he pauses as the answer occurs to him much as it's a light punch to the chest.] Chocolate chip cookie. Secret... family recipe.

See, that's what I'm talking about. Something special.

Is... this a hypothetical question or one asked from experience? Because if it's the latter, why are you asking questions and not seeing if this place has food?

It's.... complicated.

[Ethan has his fair share of complications so he doesn't push.] So what would your answer be to that particular question?

[he thinks about it, then grimaces] Meat. A really raw hunk of the best steak you've ever seen. I would've thought it'd be something else, but I guess not.

[he notices the grimace. also the use of the word raw, raw steak.] Did you want it to be something else?

Well, cookies would be less... violent?

I don't know. I'm incredibly aggressive about my cookies. [he's joking if only to help him feel better. ethan struggles with violent tendencies. werewolf. he's certain the werewolf would love raw meat even if ethan is lucky enough to only have to really worry about that once a month.]

[a werewolf and a vampire could bond a lot over violent tendencies, probably.]

I was about to say I'd give a therapist a field day, but you might actually beat me there.

[very probably. he smirks.]

There is something about being violently aggressive over cookies that might just beat that out, yeah. Speaking of, if the cookie monster were real, wouldn't he be legitimately terrifying? Could never keep a cookie anywhere without losing whatever you've kept it in.

If the cookie monster were real, I'd be having very different nightmares. Can you imagine a real life Big Bird? Shit would be terrifying.

I actually can't even begin to imagine a real life Big Bird. Think about the destruction. Birds are a bit creepy looking when they're small. It's the eyes. Thinking of that in larger form? Creepy. Or if there were actual Grouchs in the trash cans... Sesame Street could easily be a horror movie with a different spin.

Well, birds are all just tiny dinosaurs, right? Tiny dinosaurs seeking revenge from the injustice of no longer being dinosaurs. Hitchcock was right about the bird all along.

This is making an alarming amount of sense and greatly raising my fear of birds. I'm impressed, and I will never watch The Birds in the same way again. He was clearly psychic.

Well, he was clearly psychotic. That's almost the same thing, right?

Sure. Only a few letters different in word. Nearly the same thing.

Eh, who needs spelling anyway?

Depends what I've hypothetically been eating and why I've been eating it.

Um, you're allergic to damn near everything and on a liquid diet?

Blueberry pie. Or fudge. Blueberry-pie-flavored fudge, if they start making it by the time I'm off this hypothetical liquid diet. But that's assuming I'm suddenly miraculously cured of my allergies and don't have any major effects from having such a restricted diet for so long, otherwise solids might not go down so easily and I might have to go with ice cream, instead.

You?

Steak, much as I'd rather say something like cookies. I don't really remember what those taste like anymore, but I can still imagine steak.

[probably because he's a horrible people-eating monster, but that's a digression.]

[ Like, she kind of suspected it wasn't quite hypothetical, but not to this level. ]

That sounds terrible. -- Not the steak, I mean, your diet.

Terrible is the exact definition of it, yeah.

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